Monday, May 17, 2010

Taking another step towards becoming a playwright

I can't believe I took a small piece of my first play and had it staged. The experience was unbelievable. As I watched it unfold at rehearsal, my anxiety level skyrocketed from zero to sixty. I couldn't comprehend what was happening and all I wanted to do was sink into the floor and disappear. I call this my first near death experience, minus the harps and angels.

We were a few days away from opening night and I had no time for rewrites. I even thought of pulling it out of the festival but so many great folks had worked so hard to get it there.

Then I came to the conclusion, I would be the laughing stock of my town. I could see it now, fingers pointing at me as I walked by. Whispers of "that's her" and "she really doesn't get it", and it got worse from there.

On opening night my anxiety feelings vanished for no apparent reason and I sat back and just observed. Someone mention once that my play "was my baby". I didn't understand this term until I witnessed it walking and talking on the stage that night.

As I continued to watch, some of the parts did not speak as well as it did on paper, and it bumped into things, I was so afraid it would fall and not get up. Then it suddenly burst into knowledge, wisdom, humour and strength.

Back and forth this went for thirty minutes; similar to labour pains. I noticed with the next two performances, I didn't judge the awkwardness, or the mistakes, because I finally recongized it was a piece of me up there. " My Baby"and I was learning to let go!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

My first bike ride in thirty years.

When I hit the age of fifty, I wanted to start doing an outdoor sport; first mistake. I bought a bike, one of those bikes that doesn't have a motor; second mistake.

I went and purchased a big yellow mountain bike from Canadian tire, I was pumped(pun). It had big fat tires; just like my shape. It felt solid and I was ready to get going on this thing. However before, I could go anywhere, I needed a lesson on the three gears, that was a head spinner in itself.

I pushed my bike to a schoolyard which had a slightly slanted driveway to the street. Perfect!

I got up my nerve and jumped on my bike. I knew where my brakes were so what more did I need. My foot hit the pedal and I started to move forward that's when I began to panic. I felt like I was about to ride off of Mt. Everest.

My fear from my Mother hit me hard and I jumped off my bike. All I could hear in my ear besides my heart hammering was this voice saying "this isn't safe, you could really hurt yourself, you might even die, or worse yet, you might hit a kid and kill them, so get off that silly bike and get home".

Thank God for all my self-help books I had read over the years because I knew exactly what to do when Fear hit. Get back on that bike and ride.

Back on the bike I got with confidence and pride, then I slowly began to pedal, then stop, then pedal, then stop. This seemed to go on forever until I made it to the street. My spouse watched as I climbed off my bike and pushed it home. He has the patience of Job, who's a Bible character.

In 2008 I did a bike relay and finished my leg. Okay, my bike team was last in the race but my mothers fear didn't win this time.